Introduction: Not a Life on Hold

Some questions sound friendly but land like a verdict. “Are you seeing anyone?” “When are you going to settle down?” “Don’t worry-God has someone for you.” The people asking may mean well. They may be trying to express hope. Yet beneath the words, a single adult can hear an entire theology of delay: your real life will begin when a spouse arrives. Until then, improve yourself, stay cheerful, and wait in the lobby. Many Christian communities would reject that message if it were stated plainly. Still, it can be built into the architecture of church life. Sermons speak as if every adult shares a bedroom, a mortgage, and a school calendar. Small groups are organized around couples and children. Volunteers who are unmarried are assumed to have more time. A married person’s home is called a family, while a single person’s home is treated as temporary. An adult who desires marriage may be given endless advice; an adult who does not may be treated as suspicious, wounded, or unusually spiritual.

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